The following words are entirely my own and do not necessarily represent the views of the Careers Service. They are not intended to cause any offence, yadda yadda yadda.
Are you lazy? Don’t want to leave the house in the morning? Can’t remember how to tie a tie? Here’s a list of ‘jobs’ you might be interested in, and their requirements.
Promoter – A lot of Facebook friends who will go somewhere because you think it’s cool. iPhone/BlackBerry to post status updates plugging club nights constantly. A hook – c.f. Chris Carnage Williamson’s hair.
Life coach – Ability to make nonsense up on the spot that sounds profound – ‘Only your left hand can stop your right hand shading your eyes from the sun of success.’ The first life coaches, Yoda and Mr Miyagi, appeared over 30 years ago – the reason it took so long for the concept to become mainstream? Because it’s stupid.
Blogger – The newspaper is dying (good luck trying to charge us to get onto your website, The Times, people will DEFINITELY do that </sarcasm>) and independent media is probably the way forward. A working computer is just about all you need, and no more having to listen to short guys with a press pass tucked in their fedora shouting ‘what a story!’ every twenty minutes.
Famous for doing nothing – A desire to be like Paris Hilton, Jade Goody, Kim Kardashian, K-Fed, Tara Palmer Tomkinson, Lauren Conrad…No takers? Oh ok.